I am sorry for the long post … or rant as some may say … but I am very upset right now!
This is my first pregnancy. I am 13 weeks and 4 days. I found out at 5 weeks. At first, I was shocked because I was always told I had something wrong with my reproductive system. I was diagnosed with PCOS. I had a fibroid. I had a dilated tube. I was not ovulating regularly. Honestly, I never thought I’d get pregnant unless it was in God’s will and it was because he made it happen. We have been married for 5 years and I never got pregnant. I had a fibroid removed in March 2009 and here I am today!
I have had three ultrasounds so far (8 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks) due to some brown discharge. Everything is going well so far. The truth is, I am a worry wart and although I pray and have faith in God, it’s sometimes difficult for me to relax. I just want everything to go well and I want to deliver a healthy baby. The problem is, my husband seems to think I’m too anxious and nervous. I am a very high strung person. I have always been that way. I am very proactive and would rather be on top of things than in be in the dark.
I had mentioned purchasing a fetal doppler from the store a few weeks ago. He was against the idea but said if I felt it was absolutely necessary he thought I should get it. I let a few weeks go by and said something about it again yesterday. He said the same exact thing. So, I stopped by the store on the way home, picked one up, and was reading the instructions while in bed last night. He saw the manual lying on the bed and picked it up. He looked at me in shock, as if he had no idea I was going to purchase it. When I asked him what was wrong he said he had no idea I’d actually do it.
Then he made a remark that really upset me. He asked why I couldn’t just enjoy my pregnancy and relax like everyone else. Well truth be told, there are many women who have the same anxieties I have. Not just amongst first time mothers but mothers who are pregnant with their second, third and even fourth child. It’s not to say I am thinking negative, because I really try not to, but it would be put me more at ease to have a doppler where I could hear the heartbeat between visits. He doesn’t understand this. The only thing that seems acceptable to him is that I act the way he thinks I should act.
Also, we are having a huge problem trying to think of names. We won’t find out the sex until around 20 weeks, but we wanted to have some names picked out before then. I don’t like most of his names and he doesn’t like most of mine. However, there is a handful that we’ve been able to agree upon together. We are african-american and he feels my names don’t reflect that. My name is very uncommon for an african-american. As a matter of fact, I’ve only known two other women in my life (one who was mixed with black and white) with my name. Not to say there aren’t more out there, but my point is, what does it matter?
My thing is I don’t like ghetto names. I don’t care if they’re african-american, white, Asian, or whatever, as long as they’re cute and we like them. It’s not likely that I would use an Asian name such as Chang or Thong, but again, my point, what would it matter if we liked it? Most of my husband’s names are traditional, plain and common. Either that or they sound like something from the 60’s or 70’s. I don’t want weird, although some of my names could be labeled that way, but I want unique or uncommon. When he voices his opinion about the names I choose it does annoy me, but I just move on the next name. When I voice my opinion about the names he chooses he gets upset.
Last night he suggested the name Broderick. I don’t like it. It sounds like someone in their 50’s. That’s how I usually justify not liking a name, by telling him what it reminds me of. I guess I’d drove him to his limit last night because he said he was done and didn’t want anything else to do with it. He told me that since I don’t like any of his names, and most of my names seem to lean toward “other” races, that I could pick the name and he’ll just sign the birth certificate and other paperwork he needs to sign. I thought he was just playing but when I mentioned a name to his this morning, via text message, he said I must have forgotten what he’d said last night.
I am a very opinionated person, I must admit. But I don’t shut down when others don’t agree with me. It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I thought I was supposed to have freedom of speech.
